For the first time in my life, my passport is stamped with another country's immigration stamp, besides Singapore. I went to Thailand.

And it's not Bangkok. I went to Thailand's Maldivian paradise, Koh Lipe. It's indeed one of the most beautiful islands I've been to (within my travel experience that is).

After visiting Koh Lipe, I think I left my heart there. I couldn't help it but to be my own world these few days, remembering the beautiful blue and emerald hue Andaman Sea, as well as the fine, powdery sand, that's oh-so-cool beneath my feet. Not to mention the amazing sunsets that fired up the sky in blazing red and orange hues.

There are lots (and I mean lots) of cute dogs on the island, ranging from Siberian huskies (they've shaved off their fur due to the hot weather) to labaradors. All of them are so friendly and would love you to pet them (and feed them, haha)!

The Thai food is amazing, as expected. Fried fish in meam sauce, barbecued squid, and tom yam goong was some of the delights that I had on the island. The 7-Eleven doesn't disappoint too, offering lots of snacks, frozen or ready-to-eat, all sorts of beverages and more! They even sell their Thai branded smartphone there too. I really wish the 7-Elevens here in Malaysia can offer such service.

One of the most unique experiences I had was snorkelling in the dark. Why would you go to the middle of the sea and lower down yourself to the dark waters beneath you? There's only one answer; to swim with the hundreds of glowing plankton beneath the dark surface. Once you're in the water and wave your hands and shake your legs, these glowing creatures just appear, like how fairies wave their wands and a sparkling trail soon followed after. It's amazing to know there are such beautiful creatures on this Earth. And I'm very glad I had this experience! 

I'm so engrossed in relaxing and enjoying myself to the fullest that I did not take much photos, but I'll post some soon. If you haven't been to Thailand, I think Koh Lipe is a good way to start your journey to the Land of Smiles.

I think this 2015, there's another resolution; to visit another island besides Koh Lipe. I've been to Redang, Langkawi (twice until now), Penang (it's still an island), and Koh Lipe, so might as well round it up to the number five.

Islands to visit in my bucket list:
-Tioman
-Pangkor
-Mabul
-Sipadan
-Maldives
-Boracay
-Bali
-and much more to be discovered in the future...

One of the things that my DH needs me to do this year in my resolution list is :GET RID OF MY TUMMY.

He says it's for my own health, but of course I don't believe him. And you know what comes out of him in the end?

He says it's because he wants me to look good when placed near him, wants me to look good for sexy times, and also as a match to his expectations of his partner.

If I'm a woman, I'll definitely won't talk to him for a month. But I do realise that after all, all of us gay creatures are visually impaired. We only look for physical qualities and standards that we define as "handsome", "cute" or whatever terms that you may use to define attractiveness.

You may say that you're only looking at personality when finding a partner, but subconsciously we are all engineered and geared towards finding beauty. We're that blinded, or I say visually impaired when it comes to this.

That's why there's the Kelana Jaya pool, that's why there's TF, and all these cruisy spots. It exists and feeds into our subconscious into finding beauty, finding qualities that we like.

Is it something bad? To me, it's just eye candy. I don't mind if my man is flabby, and better still if he's bear-like. It's not an obsession, it's a passing fad.

But to my DH it's borderline obsession. Should I agree to his wishes? Should I do whatever I want? Should I agree to get toned? Not that I wouldn't look great in clothes, or naked for that matter.

Then we agree to terms that I am looking leaner than last year, and it takes time to actually match his expectations. I'll just put that matter to rest for now.

One thing still rings true: I still love him no matter what. To change for my man, well, if it benefit both ways why wouldn't I do it.

I think this is the closest, closest time that I had a fuck buddy. When I say "closest", I really mean "closest".

Dugged up from the closets within me, here's a story from my college days about this friend of mine.
 
"...I mentioned "tanned, funny, natural stand-up comedian". Well, we are friends and I did know that his sexual orientation is undetermined. He says he has not been in love before. But he hopes that his first partner will be a girl."

"Ok, fine, but instead, something else happened. We have this some kind of bromance going on, where we talked a wee bit dirty and fooling around. When I say fooling around, it's not like we're having sex. But just getting a wee bit closer than friends normally do. There was this time we went a bit too far and almost kissed, but we pulled back. I think he knows  that if we're ever going to go any further, maintain being friends after that will be hard for both of us. I know it too. Prior to this, he knows perfectly well that I am gay."

"But that night at the villa, when I was sleeping, I felt a hand. That hand was going over my chest and also behind my neck. I thought I was dreaming at first, but heck, I'm awake. And I know who it is. It's him, the tanned comedian sleeping at my side, feeling me up."

"If not for my conscience, I think I would have taken off my clothes and have wild savage sex there and then. But the bed was not only occupied by me, it was also occupied by TWO OF OUR FRIENDS, each sleeping at the left and the right side. We're in the center."

"So I kept my eyes closed and pretend to play along, as if I was asleep."

"He then hugged me. I played along and hug him back. All this while, I know he's not asleep. He's pretending to. When he is asleep, he WILL snore. And I didn't hear any. We're in this close embrace and suddenly, I felt something wet and warm on my right upper arm.  He's licking my upper arm. OMFG."

"It's quite a sensitive part and that was the first time somebody did that to me. My, it felt good. If not for the other two occupants, something else would have happened. But I didn't flinch."

"And then he adjusted from the embrace and kind of slept in 'the star gazer' style. After that, I hear snores."

"I couldn't sleep well that night. I waited for him to be deep in slumber before I adjusted. My hand was growing numb. Then, I looked at my watch. It was almost 7 in the morning. I woke up, made tea and freshen up myself for the journey back."

"I tried to bring up this topic on the way home. I said I had a weird dream last night, hands going all over me, feeling very weird. There's no response from him."

"Thinking back, was I being sexually molested? That night at the villa, I had a few rounds of beer, feeling light-headed, but I'm not drunk. He knows that. And neither do I have a hangover the next morning."

"Or did I went too far with the bromance? Was he exploring his sexuality, taking advantage of me? Or, the 1 million dollar question, has he fallen in love with me?"

And the answer was a "no" in the end. Thank God he got away. And I heard he has a girlfriend now, but how will it last or what kind of effect it has on him remains to be seen...

Are we still friends? Well, we're more like acquaintances. Why am I sharing this? Just to get it out of my closet, that's all. I'm sweeping all the cobwebs and remaining dirt inside.