I came back to where I belong today, only to find out that the 2nd brother had given my mom some pocket money. Well, he's currently undergoing nursing at a government school, which in turn receives a monthly allowance plus other kinds of benefits. That's why he can afford to spare some dollars for my mom AND MY THIRD BROTHER TOO.

It's really nice to see him being the good and filial son. But, as I am the eldest in the family, I'm expected to do the same, if not better. That adds some stress in terms of finance and social status.

I start to doubt whether I can live up to their expectations. Hell, securing a place for internship is already very hard for me, and with a fluctuating bank account, it's not helping very much.

Also, one of my uncles start to notice my change in behaviour, i.e staying out late. Well, sometimes it's really unavoidable in a poor student's life, and I do understand that he loves me very much, causing worries. But add it to my increasingly flamboyant gay behaviour, I'm starting to drift towards the area called "the black sheep of the extended family".

I think I'll be the next hot topic before God knows when.

Pray that God can give me strength to overcome this and to help me to find a place for internship! Namo amitabha guan shi yin pu sa.