Rants

The Year That Went Wrong

1:32 AM
This year it's totally wrong. I stayed far too long in a job that I didn't like, thinking I could push through for a year and then I could do other things. It's now in ruins.

I dread to go to work everyday, and my mind isn't there even though I may be doing my work. I am speaking to clients and all, but I myself escaped into the vast imaginative space that I created inside my brain. I will find ways to escape; logging on to Facebook, checking out other websites, checking out Jobstreet (which is totally wrong, do not do this at your workplace). I created an excuse for myself saying that I need to de-stress, but I was actually escaping from reality, hoping to go somewhere.

I did this to myself for almost a year. To me, this is very self-destructive. Note to self, please, please follow your own instincts no matter what people may say. Do not go to places that you do not want to go just because people instruct you to do so.

I am so far away from my boyfriend. Even though it never ceases to amaze me that we are only 4 hours apart, but it's enough to break my heart. Whenever Karen Carpenter's song "Merry Christmas Darling" played on air, I get very emotional.

I literally dreamt that we were Christmas-ing on the very morning of Christmas. I'm so sick and tired without him being at my side.  So sick and tired of my job, so sick and tired of all those customer's requests.

I always believe that we have to love what we do, and we need to do what we love. I couldn't love what I'm doing right now, and I couldn't do what I love. I'm just feeling trapped here.

My family isn't helping with the situation. The advice that they gave was "you need to tahan a bit more", "work is like that", "bosses are like that" etc. etc.

NO. BOSSES CAN BE GOOD TO YOU. YOUR CLIENTS CAN BE GOOD TO YOU. THEY CAN APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DO. WORK CAN ACTUALLY BE GOOD TO YOU.

I know because some of the most wonderful jobs that I had, have people that really care, really kind, and really loving to each other.

Thinking back, I was indeed blessed to meet them. And I know I will always be welcomed back with open arms, if I ever choose to go back.

This year is just the worst year ever, even my Christmas was shitty to a certain extent. But I'll make sure no more of this thing next year, no more of this crappy job with a crap load of shit to begin with.


Next year, I'll start anew.

If you read until here, I thank you for lending me your ears. The Anonymous Gay Department will be filled again with steamy hot bears again, soon. Just let me tie up some loose ends in my life and regulate things in order.