The Year That Went Wrong

1:32 AM
This year it's totally wrong. I stayed far too long in a job that I didn't like, thinking I could push through for a year and then I could do other things. It's now in ruins.

I dread to go to work everyday, and my mind isn't there even though I may be doing my work. I am speaking to clients and all, but I myself escaped into the vast imaginative space that I created inside my brain. I will find ways to escape; logging on to Facebook, checking out other websites, checking out Jobstreet (which is totally wrong, do not do this at your workplace). I created an excuse for myself saying that I need to de-stress, but I was actually escaping from reality, hoping to go somewhere.

I did this to myself for almost a year. To me, this is very self-destructive. Note to self, please, please follow your own instincts no matter what people may say. Do not go to places that you do not want to go just because people instruct you to do so.

I am so far away from my boyfriend. Even though it never ceases to amaze me that we are only 4 hours apart, but it's enough to break my heart. Whenever Karen Carpenter's song "Merry Christmas Darling" played on air, I get very emotional.

I literally dreamt that we were Christmas-ing on the very morning of Christmas. I'm so sick and tired without him being at my side.  So sick and tired of my job, so sick and tired of all those customer's requests.

I always believe that we have to love what we do, and we need to do what we love. I couldn't love what I'm doing right now, and I couldn't do what I love. I'm just feeling trapped here.

My family isn't helping with the situation. The advice that they gave was "you need to tahan a bit more", "work is like that", "bosses are like that" etc. etc.


I know because some of the most wonderful jobs that I had, have people that really care, really kind, and really loving to each other.

Thinking back, I was indeed blessed to meet them. And I know I will always be welcomed back with open arms, if I ever choose to go back.

This year is just the worst year ever, even my Christmas was shitty to a certain extent. But I'll make sure no more of this thing next year, no more of this crappy job with a crap load of shit to begin with.

Next year, I'll start anew.

If you read until here, I thank you for lending me your ears. The Anonymous Gay Department will be filled again with steamy hot bears again, soon. Just let me tie up some loose ends in my life and regulate things in order.
Bears (NSFW)

NSFW: Blatantly Shallow But Oh-So-Good

11:34 PM
What's blatantly shallow but oh-so-good?

I am going to be very sexually explicit with this.

Big dicks to suck on?

Big dicks to ride on?

Watching dicks being sucked?

To those who are into bara manga, these works are from Bami, a Korean bara artist. Korean bears, they do exist!

Have a happy Thursday everyone.

We Are All Tom's Men

12:03 AM
This is one movie that I'd really like to watch.

And I've missed my blog. I guess it's time to write again.

Planting Melons

6:00 PM
Planting melons under the yellow mountain,

Each and every melon is ripe with seeds.

Pluck one, and you'll benefit all,

Pluck more and they'll wither.

Pluck three, and you'll have to consent with what's left,

Pluck more then take the vines away too!

I'm Back

2:37 AM
This is another long story to tell, but I'm going to write it anyway. I have to get it out of my system before it affects me even more.

I went for a short trip back to my hometown because I need to renew my passport. At that time my plan was to renew it and go back to Singapore to find work. As I was passing the Woodlands immigration centre, I was being told that I have only 3 days left in Singapore.

3 days and then I have to get out from there. How to find work in only 3 days?

You see, there is actually a quota for Malaysians going in and out of Singapore under the social visit pass. 60 days is given and once it's up, you have to go back to Malaysia for 30 days before the quota is renewed.

At that point of time, I am at loss for words. Slowly, I feel very depressed, desperate and just plain sad. I even tried calling my friend, asking if his company in Singapore is hiring. There is a position available, but even he turned me away saying that his company is not what it looks like.

"There is a one year contract that binds you if you get the job."

And that whole day after that, Murphy's law just kicked into turbo mode.

I accidentally hit some elderly people with my luggage, my shoe heel broke off (and I did not notice it until  I was at the MRT station), and my laptop died after I accidentally turned it off when it was updating.

But there was a silver lining. My cousin told my mum there is an opening at a local advertising company at my hometown and my mum asked  me to go for the interview.

In the end, I did went for the interview, and I got the job. Starting work after Chinese New Year.

But I also did send some resumes to some companies in KL. I didn't get any reply from them ever since.

We humans can only plan but I believe there are higher powers up there that dictates what we should be doing.

The job that I actually am interested doing is visual merchandising. I have a passion for fashion, so might as well merge it together with the set of skills I am having right now, as a graphic designer.

I want my dream job so badly. So bad that I'm having this negative feeling towards the job that I'm going to do after Chinese New Year.

I want to believe what I read in zenpencils. I want to be the person that can pursue my dreams if money is no object at all.

But with the reality of life laid down in front of me, it's hard. So hard at times that it feels like being punched directly in the face with no questions asked.

I wonder when can I live my own life.

But at least for the moment now, I'm back.

After Two Months

6:54 PM
After so long not posting anything, this is an update of me in the that little island down south, if you want to hear me out.

I haven't found a job. It's tough there, so I'm going to implement new strategies in finding one. And I need one big shot of optimism combined with action to combat the depressing thought of not having a job. There are bills I need to pay later this year, which makes it a tough pill to swallow.

I really want to find the job that I love. I don't mind just having enough to make ends meet, but it needs to be something I like to do. I want to believe that I really can make it here. Although I am not interested at all to stay there for long, but at least I want to try out for at least a year before I decide what's best for me.

On the other hand, I've discovered that place actually still has a very decent forest. Which I personally think is close to being impossible. But it's interesting to know that the forest is located at the borders of a golf club. My friend managed to scare some golfers by just popping his head out in between the trees.

How was Christmas for me? It was well spent with my brothers.

How was New Year's day for me? It was well spent at some relative's place.

Will there be any new year resolutions? To find a job that I love.

Oh, and CNY is coming. It's another year here in the Anonymous Gay Department.

It's going to be a very, very tough year ahead. Wish me luck!