Cello Boy

3:09 AM
I saw this amazing guy at a school event.

He's way taller than me, a bear, which translates into adorable chubbiness. He may not have the most wonderful complexion, but one thing he has and lots of it.

He has talent. He can sing opera, the bass and baritone kind, and he sings pop songs. It's such a wonder to hear such a voice coming out from him. He plays the keyboard by ear, reads scores and play a few Chinese musical instruments too.

Most of all, he's playing the cello that day. So I shall call him Cello Boy.

And I just stare at him all day. Really. His playing is filled with emotions and I can see his enthusiasm.

Another thing is that he was singing this song (I forgot what is it) and he just look into my eyes.


Unfortunately, my gaydar told me he's not one of us. Or is my gaydar has gone faulty? (It's been sometime since I activated it...)

Anyway, it's such a pleasure that I can look at someone for so long and he doesn't mind it at all. Heheh...

Till we meet again, Cello Boy.

P/S: It's not the most amazing illustration, but I tried my best.


11:46 PM
I'm always ranting about not having a relationship/partner, which I think at this age of mine is quite impossible for a gay guy. And if you define virginity as in not getting plowed, I am a virgin. (I got sucked once, but that's a long story.)

Oh, and I'm a bottom. Nuff said.

So, in the midst of going through all those profiles at fridae, something hit me.

What is it that I seek? Why do I go through this process? Is it because I don't feel whole? I'm inadequate, or so to speak?

Inspired by Davey Wavey, I started to ask these questions myself.

Davey here said that we are born whole, and therefore we really should learn how to appreciate this wholeness, rather than seeking it out somewhere else.

Love yourself before you love others.

But I do love myself. I treat my body with respect, although health is overlooked due to my busy schedule. I love to pamper myself, and bathing can be such an experience for me.

I think I love myself enough. So why do I still feel this inadequate feeling?

Or maybe it's just the same old feeling mistaken for something else -which is horny.

The internal slut of me has just come out to say "Hi".

By the way, it's from a movie. Go google it for more info.

P/S: I blogged quite a lot so suddenly. Gets the engine roaring because I actually love to blog!

It's A Quarter After One...

10:54 PM
And I need you now.

I wonder where are you in this whole wide world? But most importantly, will I be able to find you?

I don't know, I feel a bit empty inside. Really.

Well, I just have to eat.

And pray.

And love.

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now.

It's Just A Story

2:38 AM
Tap tap tap....

Staring at the computer until 3 am. And that damn Photoshop is jammed. Shit.

Papers at hand, I'm writing furiously just in case my idea suddenly disappeared from my mind. There's still ton of paperwork to do too. Being a designer is not all bed of roses.

"Still working?"

"Have to. I thought you're in bed?"

"I'm cold."

"Turn off that air cond then."

"Turned off."

"Go get a blanket."

"I did."


And suddenly he hugs me from behind. Surprise, surprise.

" Hun, take a rest." Spoken with an air of warmth that betrays his words. Together with a nuzzle on the cheek too.

"I'd love to, but it's a week before the deadline and I have to hurry."

"You don't have to do this."


"You always said that your boss and clients are always awful, demanding with no reasonable reasons. You know that somehow or another you can quit and find other means of living."

Yup, his words are for real. I'm just being a slave there rather than a proper worker who has rights. But design is always what I have done, though I have a "love and hate" relationship with it. If I quit, how will I get the bills paid? Food on the table?

"We have discussed this over and over again, my job can put food on the table and a roof above for both of us." His hands now gently holding mine with care, with an assuring touch.

"But it will be a burden to you. We promised to share everything. It's just not fair to you."

"I promise it won't. Seeing you toiling like this in front there like a machine just breaks my heart."

How sweet his words can be some times.

"Fine, I'll try to quit in a month's time. I just couldn't leave these projects hanging and without a word. There's no absolute guarantee, but I'll try."

He smiled. Gorgeous. From the first time we met until now. I remembered him smiling that day when we talked about pets that we like. Heck, I even remember the cologne on his sun-kissed skin, that black shirt which just cuts amazingly into his figure.

"So can we go to bed together?"

"Haha... You naughty little thing."

And I just switch off that damn hanged computer.

A Relationship

11:13 PM
I've been noticing people around me are so happy with their partners and some of them are just so lucky to have them.

I wonder when is my turn.

At times, I do wish that there is someone who I could cuddle up with every night, when it gets to cold.

I do wish that I can have breakfast with that special someone every morning.

That special someone to assure me things will be right when they are truly terribly wrong.

That special someone to do silly stuff with, like stuffing your mouth full of ice-cream and let it freeze, and then laughing like a hyena.

That special someone to watch the stars at night and the sun at dawn.

That special someone to share my life with. And his too.

But I don't know, I'm so busy now I hardly have time for dates, although I do have an account at Fridae for browsing and meeting up new people.

Am I putting not enough effort in finding him?

I have this dream where I will get married someday, to him, by the beach, in a white suit.

And this shall be my ring.

P/S: Just another post where I get things off my chest. But indeed, I'll pray. And I'll wait. Maybe now it's not the time yet.