Take That - The Flood

4:25 AM

The most uplifting song I've ever heard. It helps to listen to it when you're doing your assignment at 4.30 am.

And Robbie's voice is still the same after all these years! Glad that he joined back the band. They're so harmonious together. I LVoe!!

All The Boys In My School

5:11 PM
I have a few bromances. Some ended sadly, some still going strong, and on some occasions, I kissed and groped. And they're straight. ;)

Anyway, they're fun to play with, like butterflies in the field. Some are so darn attractive that I did not realise it myself until we're doing some assignments together like photo shooting. Taking off clothes, make-up and lights can really bring out the beauty of someone I thought he never had. And those pecs. OMG.

Then there's my last crush. He's like a G-men dream come true, though he's getting fatter and fatter these days. Add together with that Ah Beng hairstyle, he somehow starts to fall off from my list, though he once was on it. How he falls from my list is another story all together.

Then there's the pig. Muscled, smooth, cute. Tall, big, sings like Pavarotti. And he reads! That's so darn hot. But I rather not touch into his boundaries. The last time I heard, he's confused. Kind of like a bi, but even then, he's not sure.

Then there's the other one. Tanned, funny, natural stand up comedian. He looks good in tank tops and even more without glasses. Oops, I've said to much.

And way back then in high school, there's Superman. He's good looking, fair, muscled, manly. Just like Superman. He's an eye-candy with lots of goods to offer. I wonder where is he now. Even his brother is just like that. Both are so darn beautiful.

Maybe I should draw some caricatures on how they look like? Hahaha...

Boys, boys and boys. But I need a man.


3:31 AM
We can never escape from labels. Never.

Why you ask me? It's because we like to associate ourselves with things, since time begin.

Gold represents wealth. Silver is for second. Bronze is for third.

Spring represents rebirth, love. Winter represents hunger, Christmas too.

Men behaving unproper is gay. Women behaving unproper is lesbian.

See what I mean?

To my straight friends, I know that you have nothing against us, it's just that I am really wondering this kind of labelling or stereotyping has any good to us human.

In the analogies of history, we can see Hitler, with his idea to the Jews.

We can see the caste that the Indians have made.

We can also see in the modern world, that rich and poor are different people at all, with different kind of treatments.

Then why should we treat people any different? We are all human and one day we will die, and that's the truth.

Stereotypes and labels somehow limit us, what we can actually do and achieve. But still, we use them.

If only this world can have more tolerance and a greater attitude.

Another word, I'm proud to be gay. Because I don't have to limit myself to the stereotype of a straight man.

I can cry, I can laugh, I can show my emotions freely without having to think that it's unnatural. In some matters, I have a choice. I feel liberated from the constraints of society.

I feel freedom. :)

We're indeed unique, eh?


2:35 AM
You know, there's this thing in Fridae called Tracks, where essentially, you're leaving tracks to the person you've viewed, so he can flip through and see who's been watching him lately.

For a guy who doesn't even get 5 views per week, 22 views suddenly per day is a bit of a shock. Unluckily, my membership is over and I couldn't see who's looking around.

What did I do on that day? Just the usual, flipping through profiles and looking around. As I did each time I login.

Maybe God actually had listened. Well, thank you Cupid. I appreciate Your help.

Anyway, this boyfriend thing has become secondary in my thoughts. Maybe I let it off all at once a blog post back. There's this famous blogger once stated that if you're seeing people in love and you want yourself one, you're having dissatisfaction. Then you became unhappy when you do not have a bf. When you have one, you suffer thinking that the bf is not truthful and cheats on you. You suffer.

Food for your thoughts, eh? Anyway, I'll let things happen. Sometimes it's really a matter of fate and destiny.

He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon, and he's gotta be larger than life!

Vitas - Lucia Di Lammermoorr (il dolce suono)

3:35 AM

Heard it and I got hooked.

And I played with the template for a whole new look! Did another banner too, experimenting here and there. Hehehe..

The Kind Of Happiness That Only Exists In My Mind

2:03 AM
I know. I'm contradicting myself. One time I will say "Who needs a boyfriend?"

And then right after that, I'll find myself feeling a bit empty, devoid of human emotions, as if everything that I love must and needs to come from cash, bags and a walk-in-wardrobe.

Then, when I really think hard, I really do not need all these stuff. At the end of the day, I couldn't be bringing Louis Vuittons or Chanel or YSL or Dior together into my coffin.

Dressed in Chanel while you lay down there in that box? That's like... glamorous? Until the day I die???

I'll leave that to you. Food for thought, as Shelah says.

But anyway, after that I-do-not-need-bags-branded-stuff issue, comes another one. I will find myself longing for a long-term-relationship a.k.a partner a.k.a boyfriend. I think this is because I tried to replace an LTR with Gucci (due to failures) but in the end, it's not working.

You know, the reason why I long for one is not because I'll'-be-happy-with-a-bf. It certainly does not work that way.

It's because I'm searching for that elusive connection. It's because a partner is like the most best friend of all where both of you can talk everything under the sun and all your secrets are poured into him and his to yours.

Also, when there is the time where you just need somebody to hug and kiss and to tell you "Everything's gonna be alright" when everything really isn't, he's there for you.

Your parents are not gonna be here forever. What do you have when they leave you? Your brothers or sisters? That is if you're on good terms with them. But what if you don't? (Not to say mine is bad, my brothers and me are really wonderful)

This is also tied down with the issue of old age. You are not Forever 21, no, you are not a fashion label. You are not going to be always clubbing at MP during the weekends. Even alcohol and dancing needs to be within a limit.

And certainly, ONS is ONS, fuck buddies are fuck buddies. Who wants you when you're an old prune? (This is why I don't ONS or have FBs. I rather wait)

And thus, an LTR is certainly every gay man's dream. Me included.

So when you have such a healthy and wonderful relationship, happiness is assured. It comes from within. It does not come together all bundled up with a six-pack and pecs guy.

No, it comes from the love that you have for each other and the wonderful relationship that is an LTR. Hence, it comes from within.

And no, I don't want an open relationship. Might as well have a fuck buddy then.

I just want to have some very simple happiness. I don't care whether he's rich or poor, I don't care how he might look today and yesterday, I don't care what are his wrongdoings in the past. Because I know there is no Mr Perfect or Mr Right.

Though I have a criteria. Simple criteria.

He needs to take good care of himself, have a good job, decent in education and makes me laugh even with the simplest gestures.

You know, when it comes to love, I do believe in "attraction at first sight". But I don't deny that sometimes, it's all "start by being friends".

Godspeed, my other half. Godspeed. I wonder where in the world are you.

As for now, it only exists in my mind.

Only in my mind.