5:33 PM
This post is from Singapore. I'm staying a few days here to run some errands before heading back where I belong again.

Talking about this small island down south which was once part of Malaya, there's one big change in my life that's related to it. But I think most of you have heard this story before, and some of you even did it before.

I'm coming down to Singapore in around 10 months time to find a job.

My feelings now are a mix of each; frightened, excited, sad, happy... All sorts. I'm not saying that I don't like the environment here, I even have the privilege of having a roof on my head with food on the table, all ready with welcoming arms if ever I'm here to work.

But then, there is someone I'll sorely miss. LDRs are not exactly easy and certainly not something we both want. Though I said so, there are responsibilities that I need to take on. I'm not exactly rich, see.

But being in a typical Asian family, selfishness (or if you put it in a more positive way, self loving) is not a well applauded thing.

And when once reality sinks in, you somehow get some kind of a withdrawal symptom. And then the tears start to roll.

D, I'll miss you very very much. We said before we want to make it happen. I will make sure it happens for you and me. I love you very very much, but I think mere words couldn't describe what I'm feeling right now.

We still have around 10 months left before it starts. I promise to you that these 10 months will be the most memorable time for you and me.

This ugly duckling is willing to swim through the throng of heartlanders to get to you.  Remember that even after it happens and things may fizzle and dry out, remember that my key will forever be yours to open.

I love you.

Gratia Plena Maria

2:01 AM
So below here is me singing Ave Maria. Please forgive me if the pitch are a bit out of tune or I have these stops all over the place. I haven't been practicing for quite some time since my last performance was a year back. 

Also, I think I'm not too late to wish all of you a very very Merry Christmas, since it lasts for 12 days! 

Happy Holidays! 
Love of my Life

I'm Not Ready To Marry

4:20 AM
I keep on fiddling with the ring on my finger.

Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle.

Blue sapphire in a cushion cut, 1.5 carats and surrounded with brilliant diamonds. All set in platinum. Most of all, it came in a robin blue box. Tiffany's. 

Theo saw my expression; bewildered, puzzled, like a cat whose tongue got caught.

"Don't you like it dear? Your name and mine is on the inside of the ring."

I can only nod. As much as I want to say yes, but something just isn't quite right. 


The Sissy Gays

1:43 AM
In response to Calvin's blog post, here's my dua sen on the topic:

"I'm gay because I like men, not men who act like girls."

I think the above statement is already contradicting. It's like saying "I'm a straight-acting gay." What is a straight-acting gay? Is there a concrete set of rules to define a straight-acting gay man?

I think no matter you're a top or a bottom or a versatile, being gay to me means you are already in touch with your feminine side, one way or another. Then when being in touch with your feminine side, you are acting like a girl, i.e. being in touch with your feelings, being extremely bitchy, being fucked, saying that you have a mangina, etc. etc.

So, is it that important to be seen with straight-acting gays and NOT seen with effeminate men?

I think if we actually make this into a debate, speaking about it for 1001 nights will not even solve it. The only way we can find some logic in this whole grey area is to do away with labels that are not constructive to the well-being of a person and even more confusing to begin with!

About one of the comments in Calvin's blog post, which is from ItuAnjingBetina, the blogger says,"and no I don't think people would go to the extend of discriminating sissies just to be discreet when it comes to serious relationships."

Well, think again. My boyfriend is really an effeminate man and he has stories about how he's being toyed around by his exes and when it starts to get serious, they dump him. Why?

Because he is an effeminate man.

This post here is not only about standing up against the discrimination of sissies but to remind you that we are already being discriminated in the eyes of our law. Do we have to turn against ourselves and amplify the damage that has already been done?

United we stand, divided we fall. Just my dua sen. And if you don't like what you're reading, then you won't read until here.

PS: We all appreciate brawn and Greek-god sculpted physiques, but when it comes to finding love, don't limit yourself to only one place.

And here is an inspiring article from Single Dad Laughing, entitled I'm Christian, Unless You're Gay. It's all about how we extend love towards those who needs it and end this label thingy once an for all.

The Queen in Singapore

6:02 PM
I think most of you know who is Kumar, the Singaporean stand up comedian and drag queen. For those who don't, this is a clip from one of his acts.

If you aren't laughing and searching for more clips like this on Youtube, please go home, turn on the gas stove and lay down on the floor.

Anyway, for those of you who have watched his act either live or from vids, have you watched this interview of Kumar? It was done a few years ago and in it, he talks about his life and his struggles of being himself.

Isn't it inspiring? I do hope those who are being bullied for who they are to be positive. Prove to people that you indeed have a million reasons to be here and with much more reasons to come.

Have a good day. :)

Achievements Unlocked

7:19 PM
So the year is coming to an end, and below are a few little bumps that I consider important in my life that I have conquered. This year is my most wonderful year and I'm very thankful for it.

1. I've found somebody to love and love me back in return. :)

2. I manage to find a way to lose a few inches off my waist, only to have it returned by Christmas. But hey! At least I can.

3. My university days are coming to an end, and this hell will be over soon. I'm thankful that I'm still alive.

4. I've went to the "meat market" and look around, a few times too. And there was once my straight friends follow me. I am thankful that they're very open minded.

But most importantly, I have unlocked this achievement which I harbor since I was still a little kid.

I have finally conquered my childhood fear, which is the roller coaster. I remembered I was around 9 and I don't dare to ride the Corkscrew at Genting, even though my father is willing to take me on it and I'm tall enough. But I did a few days ago! Achievement unlocked. Albeit I screamed like a person suffering from an asthma attack.

Sadly, the Flying Dragon, the Rolling Thunder Mine Train and the Cyclone was closed the other day when I went there. And thank God for these souls who manage to capture how it feels like when you are on them.

Oh ya, the Corkscrew to me is damn frightening that my hands turned white and numb. All the blood just rushed to my heart and brain.

And I promised my boyfriend to go and ride Battlestar Galatica at Universal Studios SG with him!

Die lah this time.