2 Years

3:42 AM
I think it's going to be a trend now to blog about how we, the blog writers, came to be writing this blog of ours till today. LOL

Thank you to Mr Tuls and Mr Leonut for inspiring this post here. I can sometimes suffer mental blocks, for there is really nothing that I want to pen down, but still this heart says that I need to write a paragraph or two.

So my blog here started on 3rd May 2010, so officially it's now 2 years. 2 years of pouring out my thoughts from that time until now. Speaking of which, when I look back at all my posts, I do feel that I've changed. Some parts that is, which is mostly about how to handle what we call as "love".

From that time, I've changed three blog banners, posted a number of bear pics, bought incredibly expensive swimwear (which I still have no courage to wear), writing down my heartbreaks in the early stages of my blog, and in this whole jumbled up mess, found a boyfriend.

Who inspired me to start this? Here I need to thank Mr Calvin. My email here is also inspired by his blog url. I found out about his blog when I started to realise that I am what I am now, and that's when the adventure starts. At that time I was subscribing Calvin's weekly emails of literoticas, which I still keep until now.

Another person that inspired (or should I say provoked?) me to start this is my ex-crush and friend, Raeb. Sometimes I do wonder if at that point of time, if Raeb was having a more open heart, I wouldn't be growing up from experiencing a heartbreak. But we still keep contact with each other. Maybe it's much easier to do so when it's only one hand clapping and not two.  

And one day, when I thought I want to keep this blog under the radar, I saw my blog on Calvin's blog list. That really perked up my day. Also, I think it's around that time when the bear posts start to appear. My love for hairy, muscled man is not ending soon. Hehe...

2 years it is. Happy Belated Anniversary, my blog.

Sincerely from The Anonymous Gay Department.

P/S: Why I named my blog as The Anonymous Gay Department? Because I wanted this blog to be under the radar at first. The second reason is it's work related. You have no idea how many closeted gays there are in my department. It's all a very big open secret. Hush!

After Today

10:08 PM
After today, I realised that I have a problem, which is to conquer some demons inside me. You know there are times when you feel like your heart and soul is so tired by all the beatings it gets, but one must keep calm and carry on.

That's the part I failed to do.

After today, I decided that doing what I am doing now is enough for now. I'll end this in October and I'll damn make sure it doesn't tag along with me anymore. I may not know what the future holds, but then, life always has its unexpected twists and turns.

That's the part I must do.

After today, I realised that what I actually hate at first is actually something that I love. This is when I have a paradox within me, to actually merge together things that are impossible to me at first, and then it becomes an interest. I don't believe that it'll actually balloon till the size of Texas, but there is.

That's the part I'm surprised to actually do. And did it too.

After today, I know truly well that each action has a reaction. This is when you must take matter in your own hands and make it happen, for real. Dreaming is good, but doing it is better.

I pray and hope that no matter who I'll be, people around me can understand why I did it.

May tomorrow be an even brighter day.