This is another long story to tell, but I'm going to write it anyway. I have to get it out of my system before it affects me even more.

I went for a short trip back to my hometown because I need to renew my passport. At that time my plan was to renew it and go back to Singapore to find work. As I was passing the Woodlands immigration centre, I was being told that I have only 3 days left in Singapore.

3 days and then I have to get out from there. How to find work in only 3 days?

You see, there is actually a quota for Malaysians going in and out of Singapore under the social visit pass. 60 days is given and once it's up, you have to go back to Malaysia for 30 days before the quota is renewed.

At that point of time, I am at loss for words. Slowly, I feel very depressed, desperate and just plain sad. I even tried calling my friend, asking if his company in Singapore is hiring. There is a position available, but even he turned me away saying that his company is not what it looks like.

"There is a one year contract that binds you if you get the job."

And that whole day after that, Murphy's law just kicked into turbo mode.

I accidentally hit some elderly people with my luggage, my shoe heel broke off (and I did not notice it until  I was at the MRT station), and my laptop died after I accidentally turned it off when it was updating.

But there was a silver lining. My cousin told my mum there is an opening at a local advertising company at my hometown and my mum asked  me to go for the interview.

In the end, I did went for the interview, and I got the job. Starting work after Chinese New Year.

But I also did send some resumes to some companies in KL. I didn't get any reply from them ever since.

We humans can only plan but I believe there are higher powers up there that dictates what we should be doing.

The job that I actually am interested doing is visual merchandising. I have a passion for fashion, so might as well merge it together with the set of skills I am having right now, as a graphic designer.

I want my dream job so badly. So bad that I'm having this negative feeling towards the job that I'm going to do after Chinese New Year.

I want to believe what I read in zenpencils. I want to be the person that can pursue my dreams if money is no object at all.

But with the reality of life laid down in front of me, it's hard. So hard at times that it feels like being punched directly in the face with no questions asked.

I wonder when can I live my own life.

But at least for the moment now, I'm back.