Planting melons under the yellow mountain,

Each and every melon is ripe with seeds.

Pluck one, and you'll benefit all,

Pluck more and they'll wither.

Pluck three, and you'll have to consent with what's left,

Pluck more then take the vines away too!

This is another long story to tell, but I'm going to write it anyway. I have to get it out of my system before it affects me even more.

I went for a short trip back to my hometown because I need to renew my passport. At that time my plan was to renew it and go back to Singapore to find work. As I was passing the Woodlands immigration centre, I was being told that I have only 3 days left in Singapore.

3 days and then I have to get out from there. How to find work in only 3 days?

You see, there is actually a quota for Malaysians going in and out of Singapore under the social visit pass. 60 days is given and once it's up, you have to go back to Malaysia for 30 days before the quota is renewed.

At that point of time, I am at loss for words. Slowly, I feel very depressed, desperate and just plain sad. I even tried calling my friend, asking if his company in Singapore is hiring. There is a position available, but even he turned me away saying that his company is not what it looks like.

"There is a one year contract that binds you if you get the job."

And that whole day after that, Murphy's law just kicked into turbo mode.

I accidentally hit some elderly people with my luggage, my shoe heel broke off (and I did not notice it until  I was at the MRT station), and my laptop died after I accidentally turned it off when it was updating.

But there was a silver lining. My cousin told my mum there is an opening at a local advertising company at my hometown and my mum asked  me to go for the interview.

In the end, I did went for the interview, and I got the job. Starting work after Chinese New Year.

But I also did send some resumes to some companies in KL. I didn't get any reply from them ever since.

We humans can only plan but I believe there are higher powers up there that dictates what we should be doing.

The job that I actually am interested doing is visual merchandising. I have a passion for fashion, so might as well merge it together with the set of skills I am having right now, as a graphic designer.

I want my dream job so badly. So bad that I'm having this negative feeling towards the job that I'm going to do after Chinese New Year.

I want to believe what I read in zenpencils. I want to be the person that can pursue my dreams if money is no object at all.

But with the reality of life laid down in front of me, it's hard. So hard at times that it feels like being punched directly in the face with no questions asked.

I wonder when can I live my own life.

But at least for the moment now, I'm back.

After so long not posting anything, this is an update of me in the that little island down south, if you want to hear me out.

I haven't found a job. It's tough there, so I'm going to implement new strategies in finding one. And I need one big shot of optimism combined with action to combat the depressing thought of not having a job. There are bills I need to pay later this year, which makes it a tough pill to swallow.

I really want to find the job that I love. I don't mind just having enough to make ends meet, but it needs to be something I like to do. I want to believe that I really can make it here. Although I am not interested at all to stay there for long, but at least I want to try out for at least a year before I decide what's best for me.

On the other hand, I've discovered that place actually still has a very decent forest. Which I personally think is close to being impossible. But it's interesting to know that the forest is located at the borders of a golf club. My friend managed to scare some golfers by just popping his head out in between the trees.

How was Christmas for me? It was well spent with my brothers.

How was New Year's day for me? It was well spent at some relative's place.

Will there be any new year resolutions? To find a job that I love.

Oh, and CNY is coming. It's another year here in the Anonymous Gay Department.

It's going to be a very, very tough year ahead. Wish me luck!