I'm Not Ready To Marry

4:20 AM

I keep on fiddling with the ring on my finger.

Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle.

Blue sapphire in a cushion cut, 1.5 carats and surrounded with brilliant diamonds. All set in platinum. Most of all, it came in a robin blue box. Tiffany's. 

Theo saw my expression; bewildered, puzzled, like a cat whose tongue got caught.

"Don't you like it dear? Your name and mine is on the inside of the ring."

I can only nod. As much as I want to say yes, but something just isn't quite right. 

"Theodore dear, I... I couldn't."

"Why?" His tone just drops down from that cheerful-sunny-cabana-boy quality towards the one that sounds like my mum. 

"Look Theo... I'm... not ready."

The conversation just stops there, filled in with the chatter of the other patrons of the cafe, the sound of the espresso machine, and the ring-a-ding-ding of the doorbell. I swear that if I frame the experience forever, I could make some cash by selling it as a film noir memorabilia. 

"Theodore darling, I think I mention this like forever, ever since I met you. An apartment, a dog, you, me, fluffy beds and a library... being married to you. And I think we already did when we started to get serious about our relationship.

We read the newspaper together, discuss about the actual chances of your boss getting fired, having those little little things that almost every gay man on Earth dream about getting it. A relationship where your lover can actually be your best friend.

This went on for like forever. I'm happy with you every single day of my life, really I do. Though with all your flaws that are already so apparent like the stripes of a tiger, I still love you, Theo. Even now. 

But... this stability is a bit... I don't know, Theo. I guess I want..."

"Adventure? Sizzling romance? You lying on the golden sands of Seychelles, staring into the golden sunset while I make sweet, sweet love to you?"

"Theo." What made that man say that? Is it the coffee?

"Look, Anthony." He holds my hand tight. "Here are two tickets to Seychelles. I've already booked the hotels, did all the necessary arrangements. Besides, we are going to New Zealand next December to see all the Lord of The Ring scenes that you love so much."

"Theo! I thought you hated travelling? Why suddenly all these trips? Are you all right? Are you even sure you want to go?" My mind starts to go blank. Why is this middle-aged man, whom I love since I was 21, is pulling this kind of stunts on me? He's not the one who would like all these. Even getting his ass off to Ipoh for dim sum took like half a year. 

That's why all these while Theo and me are together, we already have a silent pact that I can do what I love to do without being tied down to him. As much as I wanted marriage, it's something that I really want to commit to when I am ready. Not when I am in my prime where I can suddenly whisk off to Sipadan to have a leisurely dive with my friends. Or spending time till 3am at the local pub having a booze fest with colleagues! 

"Anthony dear, remember there was this one day when we argued and we actually consulted one of those Aunt Agony section in the newspaper? I remembered one of the advice was, 'Do what your partner like to do, even though you may not like it.' 

I know that you still want to see the world while you're young. I know there's this adventurer in you, wanting to be released. I'm not supposed to be the one who keeps you all for myself, that would be selfish. I don't want to put you in a gilded cage, I want to love you. 

Remember there was this one time you turned down a job offer at Singapore just so that you can be with me? I know that you even had a big argument with your mother about it. This is at least what I can do. If you want to have that adventure, that wild savage persona running around like nobody's there, then at least let me be with you. I want to protect you. 

Anthony Huang Kar Wei, will you marry Theodore Johnson?" 

Those smoldering smoky gray eyes looking at me with such warmth and depth, that I always feel lost when I see straight into it. 


My eyes started to well up in tears. 

After that episode, we've been eating breakfast like this for the past 15 years. I did say "Yes" after all. 

P/S: The picture of the husbears above are from www.bearotic.com. Aren't they cute? And this concludes today's story. :)  

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  1. As you can tell, I'm a sucker for romance.

  2. I think Anthony is putting some sort of a price. Anyway, he did say "Yes" to Theo.

    It's this little thing that makes drama good, right?

  3. And Savante, did you actually read my post? LOL

  4. OMG! They look hot and sexy, the pic is cute and romantic all in one. LOL...

    I saw your little note on the side column, you need coin box to save to travel? Where are you planning to? Coin box enough meh? Hehehe...

  5. Ala Calvin, it's a few things rolled into one. LOL