What Are Tears For

3:56 AM

My relationship with my boyfriend is in a very stable mode. That's what my boyfriend thinks. He feels very comfortable with it.

On my side, I always think that there's something needed to be done. Something needed to be amended. The glass is always half-full, with more to pour.

As you know, these few days I'm so stressed. I think a lot of stuff and I start to think about poisonous thoughts about our relationship. It's not about him, it's about me. I start to doubt about our relationship. I start to think that he's not doing enough, but he already did what he can in his power among his busy schedules.

And it poisoned my mind.

It poisoned my mind till I couldn't think straight, that I start to feel that he's not there when I need him. But logically, he totally cannot be there at that time.

In the end, I told him what I feel today. Being the more patient and wiser one, he listened, digested and told me about his thoughts.

We talked to a point that both of us feel that my problem has gone out of hand. We got quiet for a moment. Then, he looked at me straight in the eye.

Those eyes at that time were like pleading me to reconsider what I was thinking right there and then, pleading me to stay, pleading me not to leave.

Then, I cried. This time, it's like the falls after a monsoon season.

It trickles a little. Then bit by bit, it increases till it's like a raging wall of water.

The reason why I cried is because it struck me subconsciously that I do not have much time with him before I leave for Singapore. With a schedule that I'm having now, how can I do enough to make me feel that I have enough assurance to last me for the next 5 years?

The other reason why I cried is because I love him so much that it hurts me very much to leave and go far far away.

Then, when I started to settle down, my tears starting to dry up, then the radio just blasted:

"I have died, everyday... Waiting for you... Darling don't be afraid I have loved you... For a thousand years..."

Then I went into full blast wailing mode.

And I just fell into his arms. He hugged, comforted, making me feel so loved.

Tears start to roll as I type this.

You may think that I'm an emo freak here and the only thing that I did not inherit from my mum is her vagina, but when you find someone who is so dependable on those three major things of a relationship (which are sincerity, loyalty and honesty, besides love) you'll know why I do so.

But one of the greatest things that I inherited from my mum is "tears". They're very precious, extremely good at cleaning the soul, and only usable to people that worth mattering very much to you.

I don't know what I'll do if I don't have you, Swan Prince. I thank God for sending you my way.

Thank you for your patience in handling this man with a vagina in his brain, my love.

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  1. tears are our way to wash problems and have a brand new start with a clearer mind..

  2. I'm glad that you talked it out with him rather than bottling up your thoughts and emotion inside. If you ever need someone or a friend to talk to, you can always contact me. Email me or add me in FB to chat.

    It's hard if there's no one you can talk to whenever you have unsettled questions in your head. Being away from your loved ones (LDR) is not a reason to break up a relationship, what more if you believe you have found a good man and you know it's never easy for such a man to come along in your life especially in today's world.

    I hope you two could work things out and remember to never make any haste decision when you're sad or angry because our minds at that kind of situation is never clear and logical.

  3. The chic and cheap, yes, I agree with you on that.

    Calvin, thank you very much for your concern. I'll definitely find you another time when I need someone to talk to. We did work things out in the end and I felt better than before about our relationship. :)

    Ooi, I take that as a warm friendly hug. :)